somebody snuck up and got me drunk
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
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I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
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You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
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