So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
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I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
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I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize