i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
