dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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