I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
