He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
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