Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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