textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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