no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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