Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.