You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that