You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
i think im in europe. pls send help
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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