I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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