pop tarts are not kleenex
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
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