Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize