someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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