I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Randomize
