i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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