Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
