Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
