Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
We don't watch enough power rangers
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
