So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Randomize
