she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
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yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
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