therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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