I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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