I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
