Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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