just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
