This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Vodka?
Forever.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
