Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
please come you make the beer taste better
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
