she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
She told me I should be a condom model.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Randomize
