You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Randomize
