No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Randomize
