The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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