just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Randomize
