Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
