So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
