me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
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