He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
