so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
