The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
