Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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