good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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