and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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