Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
