Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize