It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
