update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
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