Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
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