if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
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