I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Randomize
