I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
