so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
We just shotgunned beers for America
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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