Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
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