i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Randomize
