my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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