Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
