Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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