Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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