Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
