He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
