Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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