I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
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