Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
