I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
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