He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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