She is in my trunk
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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