So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
