we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
