my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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