Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
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Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
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Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
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