i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
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