What did we do last night that was yellow?
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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