He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
