Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
