Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
