my phone needs a breathalizer
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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