I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Randomize
